The Musings of Billy-Ray Sanguine
by icestar663
Summary: Billy-Ray takes the time to sit down and get his thoughts straight when it comes to a certain someone in his life. SPOILERS for 'Kingdom of the Wicked' (Book 7). One Shot.


I know she doesn't love me. I guess, I've always known that she doesn't. Worse than that, she doesn't even care about me. She pretends. Because I'm useful to her. To her plans. To the great plans of releasing Darquesse into the world to screw everything up. Not sure I agree with that, if I'm being honest. I mean, if the world ends, who am I going to kill? There'll be no fun any more. Picking off weaklings ain't any fun. But yeah, back to the matter at hand. Tanith. Beautiful Tanith Low. It's like, when she was on the side of good, it felt more like I had a chance, y'know? When she was fighting for them I could look on and think, 'yeah, I'm getting my ass handed to me but at least she's cute and smart. And a real good fighter.' But now it's like, I have her. And she said she'd marry me. But she's not really her. As much as she says she is, I know that if she didn't have that Remnant bonded to her soul, she wouldn't be with me. I know this. She told me this. She said to my face that if she weren't a remnant then she would be with that disfigured tailor, Bespoke. I know that before the remnant she was in love with him. So how can I compare? She's with me for convenience and agreeing to marry me was just to get me to stick around. So she can continue to manipulate me. Ain't hindsight such a wonderful thing. I can see it all so clearly now. I still love her. Of course I do. Wouldn't still be around otherwise and she knows it. I love her more than I hate being manipulated and that is saying something.

I know she knows all this. She knows that in a way, I preferred her before she had a remnant inside her. She doesn't care. That's the real kicker. She does not care that I loved her as she was before. The only thing she's done for me is to get that creepy Doctor Nye to fix up the damage from that botched operation. I still owe Cain for that injury. But Tanith, she didn't even do that for me. She did that purely because it was more convenient for her if her transport didn't have to keep stopping because his insides are all pained and twisted. Really, that's all I am to her, a way of getting from A to B. And that the best way of keeping me happy is to give me cuddles. I really have gone bloody soft. There was a time when anyone who tried to give me a cuddle got cut to ribbons and now she uses them as payment for her manipulating and using me. Wow, that makes me feel real pathetic and needy. Though honestly, part of me is scared of her. I mean, she was scary before in a cute kind of way. Now she's just scary. Like, the way she's way stronger than she was before. She could kick my ass before but now if I wasn't on her side, I would be seriously scared for my life. So I stay. And let myself be placated with cuddles and stolen kisses. When she lets me. Never in public. If I let myself show any public display of affection towards her, she has no issues with letting me know how needy and pathetic I am. Says I'm just embarrassing myself. More likely, I'm embarrassing her. I embarrass her by actually having feelings for her. And if that's not going to bruise a guy's ego, then nothing is. We never did go any further than that, if you're wondering. Just stolen moments of sweetness, as I say, stolen kisses. Snatched in brief moments when we're alone. The way I see it, it's a lose, lose, lose situation. Don't want to stay with someone who manipulates me so much. Don't want to lose Tanith, in case the real her appears someday and realises how attentive and loving I've been. Don't want to leave in case she decides I've ended my usefulness and kills me. And I'm rather particular about staying alive. I must say, I do enjoy it. So that's it. I'm stuck here like some kind of puppy hoping that Bespoke finds some way of removing the remnant from her and she realises that really, she loves me not him 'cause of how nice I've been. Making sure she stays alive and such while she's been on the opposite side of the other guy who likes her. Look at me, over two hundred years old and still acting like a lovestruck teenager. Then again, I'd never met anyone like Tanith Low before.

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**Author's Note: This is what I wish would happen. That Sanguine would realise that she doesn't and never will love him. Though, I haven't read book 8 yet. Skulduggery Pleasant and characters do not belong to me.**


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